The Vegetable and Herb Expert - Dr D G Hessayon

When I grew up, we had Percy Thrower in black and white on the TV, the gardeners’ answer to Barry Bucknell’s DIY. We also had those ‘expert’ gardening bibles from Dr David Hessayon whose somewhat simple but straightforward books sold over 51 million copies and are as relevant today as they were some 50 years ago. Their popularity was such that the sales nearly equated to one for every household in the UK.

Then came the new gardeners to grace our lives; Geoff Hamilton, Alan Tichmarch, Anne Swithinbank, Pippa Greenwood, Charlie Dimmock, Bob Flowerfew, Joe Swift and many more. We now have the superstar and everyone’s favourite, Monty Don. These have all graced our TV, presented on radio and written books, for magazines and many column inches in those weekend newspapers.

We appear to have an insatiable appetite for all things gardening. One day Monty shows us an old trick on how to pot on plants without disturbing their roots and next its all over the internet with everyone with a smartphone posting it as the best tip of the day. One recommendation on TV and like some famous cook shows impact on supermarkets, the garden centres are stripped of the recommended plant.

At our allotment site we have a significant number of magazines which have been kindly donated by members and which provide a source of reference to be shared by all. I wanted to spend some lockdown time looking through these, so I arrived home with some 40 gardening magazines from our library covered May, June and some of July and roughly the years 2014 to 2018. The magazines were Gardeners’ World, Grow Your Own, Kitchen Garden and Gardening News.

Some of the magazines were weeklies, others monthly and all included vegetables and allotment subjects and all featured household gardening names and personalities. Today there are some dozen or so gardening magazines published in the UK and vying for all our attention.

I wet my lips and could not wait to learn everything that one needs to know about growing in this important part of the season and to gain some great tips on how to improve my harvest.

There was so much to digest I found myself overwhelmed with advice on how to, when to, and what to do if. Interestingly when you look at the same subject over several years and across all the magazines you got much of the same advice. It may have used the same words but merely in a different way. Some article formats were more digestible than others and needed more time and often were more a dissertation than a synopsis. I quickly established my favourite magazine and started to dismiss the others.

We will all have different reading tastes so will select accordingly. One aspect that I found consistently annoying was the adverts which came at you virtually at every page turn. In some cases, your eyes competed with the latest netting, cloches, frames, tools etc whilst trying to read the article opposite. It was a relief to get to the smaller classified ads in some magazines as at least you could quickly turn these pages.

Just as I was putting the magazines in a bag to return to the pavilion, I received another gardening catalogue. No not one of the many seed catalogues that I get quickly browse and dismiss to Room 101 but one that came with my ‘Nemaslug’ biological slug killer. 100 pages packed with every conceivable product in a one stop shop. I quickly realised what I already knew, that gardening can be an expensive hobby. Maybe I should file this little glossy for a rainy day or for when I win the Lottery.

I think we have enough magazines at our pavilion to answer every plot holder’s questions and provide all the needed tips for many years to come and, if needed, we can always go back to Dr David Hessayon’s bible.

Name that Vegetable

All allotment sites are worked by an increasingly diverse cultural and ethnic group of plot holders. They bring with them their own growing methods and often their own plants. Some plants are remarkably like those we are used to seeing, some of which are very exotic, some we may regard as weeds. But often they are an introduction into something very new and different. I think back to the knobbly yellow courgette I was introduced to growing last year and that stayed firm when cooked and had a nutty almond taste.

We share, embrace the new and all learn from each other. We are long past the longest carrot, straightest bean and now it is about different varieties of fruit and vegetables some of which many of us may have only seen on our travels.

Mainstream TV continues to present us with the classic English varieties and if you are very lucky a smidgen of something new. This more establishment perspective is often accompanied by a quick introduction into the plant’s genealogy via their Latin name. If you are lucky enough to know Latin great, but if not in true BBC style, they give you five seconds to write it down by giving you it as a subtext at the bottom of the screen. Now who goes into their local garden centre or B&Q and expects them to understand Latin? This strange reverence to the plant’s genealogy appears to change when they refer to vegetables. Here the common name is often the prevalent one used. Some may suggest that this is somewhat down to the BBC RHS culture and expecting us all to know our veg, but to look for higher meaning when talking about our flowers.

I am dyslexic, so Latin goes in one ear and frankly comes out the other and means nothing to me. I rely on the common names and glossy pictures on the seed packets and seed catalogues. I must also admit today I only look at the fruit and vegetable pages as I now only have an allotment and what flowers I do grow have to have purpose. I don’t think drifts of Lunaria annua, or Hesperis matronalis or even Matthiola incana  (old fashioned stocks, sweet rocket and Honesty) have a place unless they are complementary to the vegetables, can be cut, or serve as a pest deterrent around the vegetables.

Today’s ethnic diversity of plot holders will vary from site to site, borough to borough, town and city and within a county. On our site we have Chinese, Bangladesh, Turkish, Vietnamese, German, Russian, Polish, Spanish to name a few and even an American. So, finding a common language to describe the simplest of vegetables can be a challenge but naming something you are unfamiliar with is even more of a challenge. We discovered recently that a plant we class as poisonous is regarded as perfectly harmless and when prepared correctly is eaten by one group.

An interesting issue relates to cross-border commerce and the international designations or codes given to be machine read and language independent. There are government pages which list this and it’s refreshing they reference them by their common name, listing alternative common names their Latin name and the heading code which can have many subheading extensions. They also distinguish between fresh and frozen, roots and tubers, families such as legumes and herbs and spices. Fancy referring to your tomatoes 0702.

The song says, ‘I say tomato, you say tomato.’ If we ignore Esperanto which I came across in this research and even all the various names in the different Indian languages. What are these European named vegetables?

1.       German: Kartoffel, French: pomme de terre, Spanish: patata, Italian: patata, Portuguese: batata, Dutch: aardappel, Polish: ziemniak, Latin: Solanum tubersum

2.       German: Lauch, French: poireau, Spanish: puerro, Italian: porro, Portuguese: alho-porro, Dutch: look, Polish: warzywo cebulowe, Latin: Allium ampeloprasum

3.       German: Tomate, French: tomate, Spanish: tomate, Italian: pomodoro, Portuguese: tomate, Dutch: tomaat, Polish: pomidor, Latin: Lycopersican esculentum

4.       German: Paprika, French: poivron, Spanish: pimiento, Italian: peperone, Dutch: paprika, Polish: strąk papryki, Latin: Capsicum annuum 

5.       German: Gurke, French: concombre, Spanish: pepino, Italian: cetriolo, Portuguese: pimento, Dutch: komkommer Polish: ogórek, Latin: Cucumis sativas

6.       German: Kürbis, French: citrouille, Spanish: calabaza común, Italian: zucca, Portuguese: alóbora, Dutch: pompoen, Polish: dynia, Latin: Cucurbita

You’re on Allotment TV ‘Tomorrow’ Lottie - Take 2

Having filmed all day at the allotments I started to get calls and emails from fellow plot holders, friends and Lottie’s fellow whippets. ‘When is it on TV? What show is it on? What time will it be on? Does Lottie get full credits?’

You feel it only proper to warn folk you are going to be on TV. Well you wouldn’t want them to miss such an informative piece, would you?

After informing everyone I ever knew, exhausting the Christmas list, befriended all those I  had previously unfriended and made sure all Lottie’s friends and those she occasionally sniffed knew, we sat down to watch the show. It was billed as featuring an allotment ‘hero’ and Lottie was rather taken by the title and had found a new air of confidence.

‘Did you tell Elm Tree?’ Lottie asks. ‘You know that was the last time is was on TV. Prime time you know on ‘The Apprentice’. I lied and said, ‘of course,’ and she had already demanded we watch it again last night to witness her 5 seconds of fame. But she did look good!

The show started.

It was one of these fast-moving magazine live shows which frankly was all over the place and featured Angela Rippon as a talking head stuck in isolation and Mr Motivator resurrected and looking like you would expect after all those years off screen. There was no mention of allotments, Lottie or anything about, ‘on the show tomorrow...’

We were deflated, Lottie’s agent rang and wasn’t happy, the extras from the allotments rang asking what had happened, and we received a stream of emails asking if we had dreamt the whole thing up. I started to wonder myself.

Next the BBC said they had a drop out at the last minute and things were being rescheduled for tomorrow.

This time the list of those told was somewhat smaller. After all they can watch it on catch up.

The next day came. Lottie and I went for our walk and rushed back to watch our new favourite TV show.

Just as we raced in to take our place on the sofa in front of the TV, Annie greeted us,  ‘BBC rang the piece has been shifted again, probably Thursday or Friday. Do you want to ring them?’

Lottie looked at me and sulked off to her bed. I picked up my book and the TV was switched off.

Thursday came, nothing. Friday again nothing. I emailed the BBC contact to be told it was being rescheduled for Tuesday next week. I didn’t bother to tell anyone, and Lottie hung her head the whole weekend.

There comes a point when you don’t believe it will happen so get on with everything else. So on the Monday I went off to the bank.

My phone rang whilst I was travelling, ‘You’re on the telly, right now.’ an excited Annie exclaimed.

‘Are you watching it?’ I asked 

‘Yes, mum rang to say Martyn is on the TV. So I switched it on and there you were.’

‘Is Lottie watching?’  

‘Yes but she hasn’t seen herself yet and is going on about Monty Don’s dogs not being cut out of shot. I’ve told her that they probably get paid and are on contract. She wasn’t impressed with your negotiating skills.’

Annie went on, ‘I’ve got most of it on camera so you can see it when you get home. It come across really well.’

The phone started to ring, and SMS messages started to arrive. It appears others had more faith than I did that it would be screened, or they had just switched on to watch Mr Motivator.

Anyway, Lottie was happy in the end as they did get her backside as she trotted in the allotments behind me. ‘Nice shots of the allotments,’ she remarked and then went off for her afternoon siesta.

At the end of the week they BBC canned the show. Lottie says she thought My Motivator was a bad idea.

Video of Health Check TV

A special thanks to all who were involved in the filming at the allotments and the hard work undertaken as all we continue to buddy up and support others.

Lottie is Going to be a Star on Allotment TV - Take 1

‘Can we do that again and put a bit more emphasis on….’.  Peter the film director from the BBC asks as he also suggests the sound man to move the boom mike closer.

‘Ok, look at my left ear, and when you are ready.’

I must have said the same words or similar several times now in several locations around the allotments, but these guys are professionals and they just keep going. Lottie is dozing, curled up on the bench. ‘Can I just get some rest here? I’ve been backwards and forwards all over the Farm and allotments today and Iam probably not going to be the star turn you promised me!’ she utters under her breath.

‘Come on Lottie one more time?’

Dogs, especially whippets, like to be filmed and get attention but are not that good at playing bit parts and extras. It’s just not what they were groomed to do.

When the BBC researcher rang and asked what was happening down on the allotments during the Contra virus lockdown and about the history of the allotments. I was more than happy to tell them. The next day they wanted to come and film for some new show. How could I say no? Lottie started to brush her teeth, demand extra brushing and started eyeing up her posh coat and collar.

They sent me a script outline the day before filming. It was about our buddying up with plot holders who were either in self-isolation or shielded. The objective was to prepare their plots, plant them up and maintain them whilst they were unable to work on them. Importantly to give them something to look forward to on their return. They had arranged my neighbour, whose plot I was looking after, also to be filmed via Skype.

‘Where does it mention me and my role?’ asked Lottie. ‘After all, Monty Don doesn’t go anywhere without the dogs.’

‘You’ll be the star once they see you,’ I replied and a questioning look usually reserved for food she has never seen before crosses Lottie’s face.

The day of the filming started early and went on and on and after lunchtime we both looked at each other and asked ourselves, ‘How much longer?’

‘I bet David Attenborough doesn’t have to take this long to create a few minutes of TV,’ Lottie moans quietly in my ear.

‘You’re going to be the talk of the Whippet MeetUp. The other whippets are going to be very envious of you being on TV.’

‘I bet they will never see it and it will be on at some obscene hour when all good whippets are curled up in bed.’ Lottie is now getting bored and thinking of her dinner.

Finally, after some 5 hours the statement is made, ‘Ok I think we’ve got it now. Just going to do some editing and take some GVs.’

I didn’t ask what GVs were. Well you don’t when you’ve been on film all day and have had an assortment of folk looking at you being filmed, do you?

The other plot holders who they captured on film some 3 hours ago have all long gone and Lottie and I now find ourselves held hostage whilst GVs are taken and editing is performed in the pavilion. I look around the door to see the sound man on his mobile whilst he is engrossed on his tablet. Technology has shrunk and communications is such that someone up in Salford is probably co- editing the film into the few minutes required.

‘I hope they got my good side?’ whispers Lottie.

‘Well they wouldn’t want your backside,’ I replied to a disgruntled look from Lottie.

Finally, and rather suddenly, they were off, ‘We’ll send over the consent forms and let you know when it will be screened.’

‘Do I have to sign a consent form too?’ asks Lottie. 

  

We now await the 5 minutes of Lottie’s fame and she is starting to get excited.

Tomorrow, the TV show.